I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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