I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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