eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
