my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
