I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
