Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
