I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you had me at cake vodka
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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