i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
