Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
