party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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