I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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