you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
