My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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