stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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