My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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