so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
