Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
