Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
