If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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