My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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