eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
