she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
