i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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