The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
