cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
