That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
