hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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