SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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