Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
