So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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