I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
