I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
