so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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