you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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