im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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