Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
