omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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