O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
