I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
