butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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