Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
