I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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