I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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