I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it because I queefed?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
