i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
where are you?
Hypothermia
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
