You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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