but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
