Don't make out with my wife yet
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He better not be in your backpack
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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