dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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