it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Randomize
