there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
