He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
