Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
